Friday, November 5, 2010

Bildungsroman

MARCH,1986: Curtain-raiser.

March,1988: Surprised toddler, trying to explore the limits of his 6'x8'universe.

MARCH,1989: Toddler's first brawl. Opponent: DEATH Duration: 3 rounds lasting a month each. Winner by TKO: Toddler. Rematch pending.

MARCH,1991: Curious kid annoying most, and amusing rest with his relentless efforts to decode the universe.

MARCH,1994: Kid is surprised at how thin the line between LOVE and EXPECTATION is. Confusion

MARCH,1995: Kid has just realised that he is a rat. And that the other rats are trying to win a race. And that he is in the race too! There is just one block of cheese.

MARCH,1997: Kid sees more cheese where the bigger rats won't look. Hope??

MARCH,1999: Young rat with too many explanations and too many ideas. Convinced that he can elaborate.

MARCH,2000: Young rat bleeds. He didn't draw the first blood. Shocked at the passive in activeness of the ones he called "own".

MARCH,2002: Rat being told that other rats are leaving him behind. But the rat feels, if they could just see from the other end, he is really at the front... by a large margin. Violence. Rat is scared.

MARCH,2003: Rat's first major race. Fancy name too... ICSE. But the rat is beginning to doubt he really isn't a rat. A mouse perhaps? Troubled with something else too. The picture on his ID doesn't match the face in his mirror!

MARCH,2004: Rat did win the race. But they won't let him have the cheese. Says the margin was too close. Rat angry. Whether you win by an inch, or by a mile... winning's winning, right? WRONG, they shout! More violence. Fear turns into frustration... frustration breeds anger. But they are so many.

MARCH,2005: Bliss. Met a white mouse! One who is willing to share her cheese. And doesn't care about inches or miles. Says its better to heal his own wounds than fight back. Willing to show how. Another race coming up. Says lets run together! And does. Rat is happy that he is a mouse after all. Feels secure... after years.

MARCH,2006: Mouse is terrified beyond imagination. White Mouse is gone. The one who who promised to be his mentor has banished her. Says White Mice are bad for health. The world laughs. Says there are other mice to meet, that mentors know best. Pain... terror... pain... anger... pain... hatred... pain... helpless... alone...

MARCH,2007: Evolution!!! Mouse is now an angry, violent, outcast schizophrenic. Mourns the death, long ago, of his new-found idol, his Fuhrer. Reads Mein Kampf. Pain turns into hatred... Hatred breeds Violence, and Violence gives birth to Determination. Codes are broken, scruples are abandoned, rules and regulations have no meaning anymore. Mouse is dead. A new breed is created... a ruthless GO-GETTER... with one goal, VENGEANCE!

MARCH,2008: Another one bites the dust. The next stage of his journey begins. Ready to leave home, and start the training that will let him take the best and the worst of the wold and turn it against itself. Resolution. The strongest man is the one who stands most alone. He will fight fire with fire. If the world makes him cry, he will make it cry with him. Yes! He will leave, a mouse, and return, An Angel... The Angel of Retribution... burning down anyone and everyone who stands in his way. Woe be the day the raccoons decided to hunt an innocent mouse. They asked for a demon, they will get a demon. And the day the transition is complete... The Devil may cry.

MARCH,2009: Realisation. If he was pushed, he only allowed himself to be pushed. The picture on the ID card begins to look familiar.

MARCH,2010: There are sharers still. He only had to put down his guard, and stop suspecting people. Of course it was not easy. But then, if it was he wouldn't have been who he is...at last. The first one to share will always be special, like the first bite of your favorite ice cream. But that will not make him through the rest of it away. Not anymore.

EPILOGUE: Six years... and a man has finally left the shit behind. It took a long time, but at last he has put it all behind him... got past the silliness of it all... rats and races, mice and angels. Strength is now a given. He will never be pushed again. But the very assurance of that strength, so hard earned, is a balm in itself. The need to use it is no longer his Moksha. He will no longer seek answers and explanations from those who had tried to move his cheese. No. Doing that would entail going back down those same dirty streets, back into that filthy gutter where the dung-beetles still dwell. No. Not again. Doesn't matter anymore. None of that sorry crap figures here. He will rather walk down the road less taken. The one they tried to keep him from. Head held high, no thorns at his sides, no stolen gold in his pockets ( may be a few thousand Dollars though... :P lol), and his palms to the sky. And when he sits down under an occasional oak, and talks to the travelling Old Monk, or meet his fellow Walker called Johny, or may be see the Grey Goose fly, his heart will be glad that once he was in a race with rats, and that he had met a white mouse who had shared cheese with him, and given him the faith to look out for more sharers. It will be a good life.



What do I know of the cultured ways?
The gilt, the craft, the lie
I, who was born in a naked land,
And bred under the open sky!
The subtle tongue, the sophist guile,
They fail when the broadswords sing.
So, rush in and die dogs,
I was a man before I was a king;
The phoenix on the sword.
---Cimmerian Folksong---

5 comments:

Uncle Srini said...

Sam,

:) Very well written. And happy for you (just hope you take it forward consistently hereafter :)) And anything that comes after time and effort is supposed to endure. In my life, it has! :) Wish you the same. Enjoy the evening! :)

Anonymous said...

you're a good writer. i really njoyed it. i didn't know one can summarize his life like this. good job. keep it up! ;)

CONFESSIONS OF A HITMAN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CONFESSIONS OF A HITMAN said...

@uncle srini your life has been an inspiration for a lot of people. for me it has been more... it has been at once an inspiration and an urge to match up with you :)

@anonymous I didn't know either. :) I didn't know a lot of things till they happened to me... and all of them changed my life in one way or the other; some good...some bad. But those are the memories I live by. thanks for your appreciation. it is really encouraging and surprising to see that even my scribblings get read! thanks...whoever you are :)

It's mE ! :) said...

as srini said you should keep it up! the rest i will tell you when i get home.