Saturday, November 13, 2010

because someone asked me...

So, someone asked me, "When you meet that adamant phantom, and he points his finger right at you and says,'ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee', and you know it's time to write that last page of your diary, what will your last wish be?" Nice question. I can't deny that I've never thought of it. And still it was a bit baffling. Really now, what will it be? I've never really answered that thought before, always having asked it to myself. But now I had to give an answer to someone else. What would it be really?

As I tried to gather my thoughts together, it occurred to me that Death, personified, would really be our oldest friend. That 'adamant phantom' as one aptly put it, is there right from the moment we utter our first cry, promising never to go away. And no matter who you become, what you do with your life, he is one friend who will never judge you, who will never tell you he is too good for you. That's one promise that is never broken, one friend who Will be by your side at the darkest moment of your existence, even if no one else is. So, that way, if we are to believe 'a friend in need is a friend indeed', who can be a better friend? So if I had to ask One thing to my oldest friend, had to make one wish, what would mine be? It was difficult. But once I had put it together, it wasn't so baffling anymore!

What can I say? I guess I will ask Death to show me my whole life in one big slideshow... that way, just before I exit, I will know exactly why it isn't at all unjustified! And be reminded of what exactly made living so worthwhile, all the little memories... savor them all, just before I kiss them goodbye. One last breath to skim through what was, what wasn't and what could have been... hear the old laughters, taste the old tears... one deep breath... one hefty sigh... one last twitch at the corners of my lips. And then exhale. Look death right in the eyes, and smile, "It was great while it lasted. I'm all yours." And then like good old friends, reunited, we shall walk out, shoulder to shoulder, step beside step.

5 comments:

AJai said...

nice post... but don't you think a good friend should give you more oprtions? :P

CONFESSIONS OF A HITMAN said...

@AJai not really! sometimes a good friend can only give you one option, the best option... if you know what I mean :)

CONFESSIONS OF A HITMAN said...

@AJai not really! sometimes a good friend can only give you one option, the best option... if you know what I mean :)

Anonymous said...

God! which young man on earth thinks about death when there's so many distractions around?? tell me honestly, when your old friend 'the adamant phantom' will eventually end up showing the 'big slideshow' of your life would you really like to die??

CONFESSIONS OF A HITMAN said...

@anonymous the young man who has accepted that there is more to life than mindless partying, and frenzied obsessions with trivialities. don't get me wrong, those obsessions, trivialities and partying is important too. after all they are some of the various flavors of life! but thinking about death is not hating life. rather it's anticipating the glorious end of a fabulous journey. and distraction is not really a virtue I hold in high regard. our emotions, every tiny little bit of it, makes us human. why use distractions to ignore them? what's the fun of living then? i would rather live with them, experience them to the fullest, and when it's time to say 'adieu' know that I have tasted every little flavor life had to offer. as for the "big slideshow" and whether or not i would want to die after watching it, why not? first of all, death is not a matter of choice. it's a fact. the one thing that makes us feel alive, if you know what I mean? And secondly, I would have been through them all. and i won't have any regrets left, because they would have made it all worthwhile. If you are asking whether or not I will regret leaving them behind, the answer is not in the least. why should I? going back wouldn't bring those exact feelings back, because it won't be the first time anymore! and as oscar wilde once said. "they spoil every romance by trying to make it last for ever."