Postcards from Padfoot-2: The Return of 'It'

It came knocking again. After over an year's hiatus. Right when things were looking up, and he was beginning to get hopeful that he will never see him, it, again. It took him completely by surprise, and he hardly had the time to realise what was about to strike. One moment he was strolling in the backyard of his suburban Sydney apartment, smoking a marlboro, and the very next everything seemed to stretch impulsively away from him and the universe went elastic. He could feel all the blood in his body rushing to his head, the vein in his temple throbbing, and that familiar smell of a heady sense of purpose. He could feel every muscle in his chest contract and relax rhythmically, and almost count the extremely controlled and deep breathing. He was strangely conscious of how exactly and accurately aware of his environment he had become in the few seconds that had elapsed since it struck. He saw the tiny thing scoot past him and right under the door out of the corner of his eyes. His fists were clenched so hard he could feel his nails digging into his palm as his knuckles went white. Even in the 11-low of late Autumn Sydney his forehead was covered in sweat, and he could feel the cold trickle of sweat climbing down his spine. He tried to control the shivering of his arms. He hoped, prayed, that the tiny little thing was safely inside, behind the wooden door. It was costing him every bit of resolve he could master to stop giving in to what he knew so well he, it, wanted. It would be so easy just to give in. Let it take over. Let it feast, one more time. Let it take care of all the memories of all the shades of grey- lies, insults, humiliations, betrayals, mockeries. It would be so easy to channel all of it into it.  He knew how good it is at cleansing with crimson. But he promised himself, last time. He promised he will never let it take control again. Things are broken inside. Some damages can only be painted over. Never healed. There is a monster inside. Begging for a kill. He thought he had it under control. It  had let him be for over an year. But he was wrong, he now thought. It was only that dear old city keeping it at bay. He had said this before- he cannot exactly put this into writing, or even put it in words, but there was something strange, beautifully and serenely so, about that city that soothed and calmed his nerves. Its grey skies, drizzling horizons and year long cold breeze put something very ancient and very elemental inside him to a deep slumber. Even as he recollected all these, he could almost feel the cool year-long rain of the city he unwillingly left behind drenching his hair, as he walked up the sloping S*m***s St., up towards The Village. But here, in the sun-kissed, dry Sydney desert, things are a lot different. Amid the bulls and bears of the megapolis, it yearns to be freed. There is no poetry here. No muse. There are only hot shots, and big timers. No country for dreamers or poets, this. In the land of the Heroes and the Villains, the Beast will not be denied.

Ruminations

As the eighth year drifts in,
The seven gone by, sighs.
Melancholy drips from the eyes,
In faces turned to ghosts.
Held steadfast in the mind,
By memories of long abandoned dreams.
Empty nests, forgotten lays, faded tunes
And mockingbirds gone away.  
Lingering doubts, drifitng nostalgia,
Uncertain amnesia,
Can memories lie?
Or do the threads of an old life,
Knit patterns all too familiar,
And color the days
With used dye?

Receding

Endless shades of grey,
Timeless, drift in a reverie
Spanning the horizon.
Reflections. A nebulous mind
Rapt in an unfathomable haze.
Overwhelmed by conversancy
With unacquainted overtures,
Strays through nothingness.
Under the ageless canopy,
Time trawls on to eternity.
And endless shades of grey,
Timeless,
Hover around a perceived lunacy.

Hey You

[Note:- This one is, obviously, inspired by Pink Floyd's legendary song. I was sitting in the balcony of Grafton Oaks, watching the sun go down, sipping from my mug and reading Jack Keruac's classic On the Roads, pondering over my muse, when this came to me. I was not too sure about it, but I felt the thought could be worth something. Anyway, this one is for S.A., whose many idiosyncrasies have so enamored me, and whose words, the rare few that were sent my way, inspired more poesy in me than most things I have encountered in my life. Here's to you, S****! ]

Prologue: "You know how I said I never cry? Well, this was the last straw."

Hey You!
Out there in your home
Sitting lonely
Humming songs
Do you remember me?
Hey You!
Walking by the street
Where we had to meet
Do you ever miss me?
Hey You!
Do you happen to think of old times?
Would you care?
I am leaving home…

One Walked Among the Muses

The echo of her feet sound the beats
Of monsoon's invitation.
Thirst. The Earth's
Impatience groans in exhilarated agony, and
Untarnished soil moans to be trodden.
Like the slow creeping moonlight
Embalming the horizon,
Ethereal, the grace of her motion
Intoxicates, and the ground in her path drifts,
Into a timeless reverie.

The white silk gently hugs her form,
And a stream of honey drapes her shoulder.
She turns her head, and a single rose,
On the back of her neck, adorned
In its lofty seat,
Tells an unearthly tale to those who dare listen.

The dying winter's last breath-
That rejuvenating south wind-
Desperate for another touch,
Blows one last time,
And permeating the air with a fragrance of poesy,
Gently caresses a strand from over her eyes.
The heavens rumble deep,
As what unfathomable thought crosses her mind,
With a careless smile that litters a thousand poets.

Unaware she walks, envy of the muses.
And as the crashing waves pause to admire,
Centuries die beneath her footsteps.

This Chemical Romance

Suicide.

The only solace lingering hereabout

Suicide.

Just can’t get the thought out

Suicide.

Getting harder to resist

Suicide.

The temptation to slit my wrist

Suicide.

The longing for dessert

Suicide.

The cold sweet razor

Suicide.

So I drag the blade across my thigh

Suicide.

Relish it like apple pie

Suicide.

Just one more try

Suicide.

These thoughts don’t run dry

Suicide.

Something’s still keeping me alive

Suicide.

Deep and long… this old strife

Suicide.

These cuts on my arm

Suicide.

Meant to cause much more than just harm

Suicide.

Black roses on the Reaper’s farm

Suicide.

One thought to keep me warm

Suicide.

One day… one day…

Suicide.

You’ll be all mine.

NOTICE: A New Home

Okay! So, I have been debating, for some time now, whether or not there is any real need for this 'notice' (rolls eyes)? But, a quick glance over some of the comments I have received on my posts here, including some rather angry and irritated ones (especially FOR those ones), convinced me that I should put this one up. For the benefit of those who (might) end up here (voluntarily, or by accident). This blog is moving to a new home (oh yeah! Felt good to say that. I know... I know... it's kind of sad, in a Freudian way). I really appreciate the views and opinions of those who have taken the time and patience to read through my literary whims and provided me with valuable feedbacks. Thank you all, and I hope you will continue to oblige me with your patronage. I really enjoy the feeling I get when I see the stats reflecting the page visits jump up, and the comments you guys leave are like the cherry on the top.

I am moving the blog to a different server- Wordpress. You can reach all my contents, old and new, by looking up square root of 3, if you are not already familiar with it. Okay, that was corny. Just couldn't resist saying it. Shoot me.

Anyway, I will keep updating this blog too- whenever I get some extra time. I have no intentions of killing the very first page I ever created. It might just have some lag to it is all. There are a couple of reasons for the move. The first one is simply that I like Wordpress's layout and their templates. It just feels that much simpler, and more elegant. The second one involves my eternal love for the Web, and visiting new corners of it. This leads me to my third reason for relegating Blogger to a second choice. I love the Web. And when I love someone/some thing, it makes me really really angry if someone hurts them/it. Google have, in recent years, been doing much of the same shit that Microsoft, that eternal congregation of idiots, did back in the 90s by trying to force all websites to adhere to its proprietary standards (I.E.) and thus force Windows, and Internet Explorer, down people's throats. Well, we all know how that ended for Microsoft. Not only did Apple completely decimate Microsoft in terms of revenue generation (Apple is worth 4.5 Microsofts, as of 2011), but Internet Explorer has become the most ridiculed and hated browser of all times. Google, since completely destroying competitive search engines like Yahoo and Rediff, have followed a somewhat similar course of action. True, unlike Microsoft's botched attempt at a browser, Google's efforts were based around providing an unmatched search engine. Google did what it claimed, and just like they claimed they did it better than anybody else. But things have been changing recently. Google have tried to unethically prevent competitive search engines from returning results. Google have done nothing to stop the spread of numerous intrusive Adsense adverts, malwares, spam sites and notoriously infringing pop-up/under campaigns from shady, two-bit companies like Zeobit. Zeobit, in particular, has become an everyday nuisance for MAC users, and/or people who use iTunes or any Macintosh software, including Safari. It is only a matter of time before Zeobit does the same thing to PC users with their PCkeeper bundle. Zeobit has slowly and steadily extended this net of breaking-n-entering into people's browsers, and all the while Google have done nothing to stop it. More importantly, and just because they could do so, Google decided to arbitrarily re-rank their search results, which has adversely affected millions of website owners. Add to this the fact that Google already knows too much about us, I just don't feel the rush to supply Google with any more personal informations.

Personally, I don't harbor as much antipathy for Google as I do for Microsoft, or Adobe, whose crimes against the Web are unforgivable. Remember, when Adobe bought Flash? Flash was becoming the standard for viewing videos on the web, and Adobe forced a merger down their throat. Since then Flash has only gone downhill, with numerous reports of repeated crashes, freezes, and uncountable updates amounting upto 30 megabytes every time. Adobe felt, given that almost NO website would display properly without Flash, that they could run their own show. That was until that ill-fated day when they ran afoul of Steve Jobs. You know how they say, to kill a monster you need a bigger monster? Jobs was that bigger monster. He released iPad, the device that was going to define the tablet industry, without any kind of support for Flash! People panicked at the idea of a tablet, a primarily web-oriented device, lacking Flash. But Jobs was adamant and, like in all other Apple hardware, completely blocked the chances of installing something on the iPad that he didn't consider fit for it. Apple was able to figure out their own way of running web-based videos, and YouTube developed their own iPad centered App. In his (in)famous interview, the ever so unforgiving Jobs quoted, "I will grab Adobe by the neck, and force them to drink from the spring I choose". And so he did. Last year, after years of engaging in a war that they were destined to loose, Adobe declared they will be making iOS oriented changes to Flash.

Microsoft learned their lesson years back, and have since then behaved more gently. Adobe learned it the hard way. It is Google's turn next, it seems. Apple has already made it clear that they are willing to meet Google head-on by removing all support for Google maps from iPhone 5 and iOS 6 in general. Microsoft is rumored to be working on a completely different paradigm of search engines that internal sources claim will obliterate Google. Now, knowing Microsoft, it is going to be a hit-or-miss kind of a thing. But, if I was running Google, I would think twice before locking horns with Apple's ruthless war-machine. That would be unadvisable. But, to take on Apple and Microsoft at the same time? Now that is the dark side of the moon. I don't know what Google is playing at. But I don't see how this could possibly end well for them. Google has decided to sit on a barrel of TNT, and play with matchsticks. Their call. But I don't fancy being around when the whole thing blows up in their face. Also, I have moral objections against hurting or messing around with the last free piece of space left for free people- the Web. Hence, I am moving.