Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Looking Back From Auckland
Of course, I have been incredibly happy and productive in these past few months. But I have still wondered, during some late night strolls around the Seafield View Road, about the long and strange trip I've been on since 2006. That year will always be important to me, although not very endearing. That was the year that my life, as I had known it for twenty years, changed completely. Since then, it has been one hell of a roller-coaster ride. There has been ups, and there has been downs ( and a friggin' lot of them, I must say), but it has never really been the same. I suppose one of the most important things I have learned over the past few years is that sometimes there is no going back. There will always be some threads of the old life that you can't pick up. You will never be able to tie them up into neat little butterflies, and that's just something you have got to learn to live with- there will always be loose ends left. But I suppose that won't matter... not in the end. I haven't forgotten the mistakes I made, seven years back, and some after. I am not particularly proud of the way I have done certain things in the past, and if I could go back in time and do them over, I would do them differently. But I like to think that I have paid the price, along with all accumulated interests. I have done my time. Now, after almost a decade, I will like to put it all behind me. I will like to move on. And for once, I am not dreading the journey ahead. To quote Tolkien, "I think I am quite ready for another adventure." In parting then, I will like to acknowledge my eternal debt to some very special people who had, at different times, graced my life with their presence, but have since then moved on. They left their mark on me, and they influenced my life in no small measure. It is because of them that I am who I am. I have carried the memories with me for seven years, and sometimes they have weighed down on me like the world was upon my shoulders. And I don't say that with any amount of regret. They may not understand this, but for the longest time those memories were the only things I had going for me. So, thanks S.H., M.K.B., R.G., and A.T. And most of all thanks L- you believed in me when no one else in the world wanted to touch me. I couldn't have done it without you. Wish your were here. I will cherish the memories forever. And God! We have got such a lot of them, haven't we? I can't even begin to recall them all. But, as it is with me, I like to think of everything in life as a Bob Dylan or a Beatles song. And there is that one line in that one Beatles song-
Longer than the road that stretches ahead"
I think that's quite true here.