I have always known this day will come, sooner or later. Known it for the last six years. Every waking moment of my consciousness have reminded me of this one absolutely unavoidable certainty. Yet, as life teaches me yet again, and perhaps for the millionth time too, knowledge and acceptance are two very different things.And today, when I stand before my own reflection, staring into the eyes of the all so familiar stranger, full of regrets, questions and a hint of despair and rejection, somewhere there is also a sense of vindication... of one long dreaded event. The eyes stare out, as if trying to make sense of the endless void around... and somewhere, as a certain flight takes off, carrying a certain person across the ocean, it all feels so damn empty- an endless void... a vacuum filled with silence... not even the strength left for a sigh. As the heart grapples and wrestles with memories lurking in the shadowy corners of the subconscious, the mind vaguely repeats to itself...
"He tries to peel the image from the sticky yellow backing, to show her the next time he sees her, but it clings stubbornly, refusing to detach cleanly from the past."
~~J.Lahiri~~
"I will not say do not weep... for not all tears are evil"
~~ J.R.R.Tolkien~~
“It's the too huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”
~~~Jack Kerouac~~
and finally, in somewhat of a pathetic self-mocking tone,
" ... it's only words
and words are all I have.."
~~ Boyzone; Words~~
5 comments:
"[...] as life teaches me yet again, and perhaps for the millionth time too, knowledge and acceptance are two very different things/" - all quote appropriate but loved this part of the first lengthy passage the most, risky as it is to tear a few lines from their larger landscape. It is like unilateral parting isn't it?
But it HAS to be gone through if not as good, as necessary evil. You'll be fine, brother :)
So... you are still reading! phew... a relief. As I am sure you've been told a zillion times, and I'm sure I myself have made almost a habit of repeating this, your very presence has a comforting feeling in the lives of the people you've touched... sort of like a long awaited solace... a feeling that only creeps from an assurance of understanding, belonging and being accepted. Yes... I'm afraid the parting was unilateral. She called me up a day or two before leaving. It was one of the most difficult and aching conversation I've ever had.. and somehow there was more silence and less talking. But it was a silence of a different sort... the sort that conveys so much more than sound can ever hope to do. The sort that can only exist between two people who have shared an emotion raging with tempestuous passion, unfulfilled desires and experienced the wrath of a society that could not afford to face something so elemental. Understanding and resignation, not bitterness or envy, is what it was composed of. Quiet and peaceful acceptance of the end of an era, and a dream that can neither be lived nor forgotten. The consequences would haunt generations, if history were to repeat itself again. But somewhere, I feel at least somewhat justified, that she was the one who read the prelude, and she took the initiative to read the eulogy. And unless I'm mistaken, eulogies are read by and for people who matter. So, perhaps it wasn't so unilateral either. After all, one should never commit the folly of thinking that sacrifices were made only on his side. Isn't it utterly justified that I was reading the fag ends of Keruoac's 'On the Road' when the call came? And after she hung up, the only lines I had left to read were:
" It's the too huge world vaulting us. And it's goodbye. But we lean forward to the next great venture beneath the skies"
Hmmm. I do read Sam, but to be honest not as frequently as earlier. I have generally reduced visiting blogs.
That was one helluva comment. :D People say 'I' write well and I have always been, to put it politely, 'mildly' suspicious about it. When I come face to face with the likes of your writing, my suspicions get confirmed. For that reason, I shall not even try to respond in kind ;)
As for the essence of the comment, once again whatever I say will be superfluous. But it made clear once again that like me you too are an incurable romantic - although you are, arguably, much more than that (not in a bad way!) :)
Glad to be of use. Without what I "supposedly" do to my friends, my life would be hot air and I'd die feeling worthless even not out of shame! :D
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