confessions before the Old Monk

"He would fade into something impalpable under her eyes and then in a moment, he would be transfigured. Weakness and timidity and inexperience would fall from him in that magic moment.

...

He closed his eyes, surrendering himself to her, body and mind, conscious of nothing in the world but the dark pressure of her softly parting lips. They pressed upon his brain as upon his lips as though they were the vehicle of vague speech; and between them he felt an unknown and timid pressure, darker than the swoon of sin, softer than sound or odor.
...
I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too.
...
Old father, old artificer, stand me now and ever in good stead."
== A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce==


Is this why I can’t ever go back to you? I've too many words to tell you how much you meant to me, but they will be just words. It's been so long, and all my actions have only proved the opposite. I will forever be searching for a love to replace the one you placed in me. I was cruel. I admit that. I promised you love, and yet took it away! I had to take away something beautiful because, I was selfish and cared too much about myself.

You Know I Cannot Forget You !!

Cannot Forget Our First Kiss ..
Cannot Forget Your Smile ...
Cannot Forget How You Made Love ..
And Talked About My Eyes ..

You Know I Cannot Forget You !!

Cannot Forget That Night ..
Cannot Forget That Ride With You ..
Cannot Forget That You used to feel jealous
whenever you saw someone Else In My Eyes..


And then... just For A Mistake,
You went Away ..
And Want me To forget you ??

Is This What Happens In Love ..
Are All Those Memories FAKE ??

I can't erase you from my past, ever. I can't delete you from my mind. All I can do is to say goodbye. I can't pretend you were never here, right in this room, where I am sitting right now. Every corner of my room smacks of your aroma, every picture in my old album is reminder of your time with me, every cassette is a witness of how you loved to listen to your favorite tunes, right here in this room, after school. I can't fake like it didn't hurt when you disappeared. I refuse to use a fake old grin, but then again I’ll never win. I can't pretend that I don’t care. I can't pretend that you are near. So I guess I'll just pretend to say goodbye.

You were always there for me
Always... by my side.
I guess I couldn't see
Without you I just can't abide.

Those times I loved the most,
Just talking to you...
who would've known...
now I'm all alone
and all I can do is think of you!

I loved it when you held me;
all safe and warm.
I felt no harm could touch me,
in your loving and protective arms

But then I messed up.
I really don't know why
I broke up...
And now I am sorry... eternally I fear.

Realized your Importance,
After I Lost you.
Understood my Feelings,
When you went Away...
Something I want to Request Today...

All I want, is a second chance.
I understand that's not easy to do...
even if you won't give me a glance,
I want you to know,
I'll always love you...