no need to say goodbye...

I am numb. But I know I owe you my silence. I failed you once...I will not fail again. This time I will do the right thing... This time your wellbeing will come before mine. As for me, I dont't know...I really don't know. What do I want?... lol... the story of my life, WHAT DO I WANT by SAYANTAN MANDAL; whiskey on the rocks, a smoke, unlimited ammo and a license to kill, the past five years undone... but right now, right here, I want you more than anything else.. to hold you...to kiss you... to feel your hair on my face... once again. The wonder of the world is gone I know for sure... all the wonders that I knew I found in you. But sweetheart, don't you worry... I am stronger than before. And I am strong enough to do the right thing, the only thing I can do, the only thing I can give you now... my complete silence. I have your memories... they tell me that at one point you were mine... you really were all mine.Only problem is, the memories don't answer when I call your name. God!! it hurts... but that's okay. Don't you worry, honey. I know who I am now. It's my destiny to bleed for you... and if my eyes don't, my heart will. But I will smile love... for your sake. You will never see my blood, this I promise you. I will wipe out my blood with my tears, and smile for you. You mean the world to me, and I will never be the source of anything negative for you. As for my happiness, well... I am happy for you, if you are. Beyond that it's just dust in the winds. Oh I will live. Don't worry about that. I will live, do my linguistics, my phonology, and do it well. But no matter where I go, who I become,what I achieve, I will always be incomplete. When the sun sets, it will all have meant nothing. But I will do them all nonetheless; live my life, do my phonology, carry on my research, and do them to the best of my abilities... Only to get emperical evidence for what I already know... without you, my love, I am a deadman walking. I have been dead so long... since the day I lost you, the sun never came back up. But sweetheart, honey, darling... my love... I love you... I love you so very much... way too much to come in the way of your life... to cause you any dilemma. I loved you then...and I have never stopped loving you... Lord knows I can't. I will miss you my love... I will howl for you on those sleepless nights... and the very hope that you are out there, somewhere, smiling, maybe thinking of me at times, will make those sobs sweeter than any music on earth... cause, honey, I love you so very much...I love you... I love you... I love you... I will always love you... forever and a day...